Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
