dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
