Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
