my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
