I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
