I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
