you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
