I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
