I skipped work to stalk him.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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