o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
