i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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