Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
