I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
