Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
