if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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