Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
