ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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