were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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