There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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