Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
