Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Actions speak louder than pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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