he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
