in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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