nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
