I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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