Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
