I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
