sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
