you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
