i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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