help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
