Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
