I feel great
I just peed on a car
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
