i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
