I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
