i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
