Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
