Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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