I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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