i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
