where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're completely useless in the revolution.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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