I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
you made out with another girl for some wings
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
