Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
