Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
