if i can run in heels then i can drive
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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