Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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