he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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