I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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