Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
