i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
