did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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