I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
