Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
