dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
