I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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