He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
