How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
