idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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