remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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