i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
