Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
