I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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