i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
