I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
