I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
