would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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