the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
