Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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