i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
