Porn is love you can see.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
