Me too!
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
