i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
