She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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