some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
