I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
