I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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