yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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