You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
