I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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