EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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