I think i peed on brittanys purse
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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