last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize