I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
