We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
